Midnight Kiss

Happy New Year to you all...!!  I certainly saw the New Year in well...

So I had gotten to know a guy online and through texts a little bit.  We had talked about going out on a date at some point but it turned out we were going to be going to the same party at New Year's Eve.

I was determined to really let my hair down and have a great time since my 2yo's on holiday from daycare and the four walls can drive you a bit potty in this wet weather..  It was a cocktail party/pool party.  So I bought a nice dress and had a blast concocting a whole range of cocktails... I quickly made friends with a few single girls and we had some great laughs.

He turned up a couple hours late wearing a tuxedo and a bow tie.  They took a photo of him with a martini glass in his hand.  Everyone knew him but we had never met and no one knew we'd been corresponding prior to the party.  I was introduced to him, and I think we were both a bit nervous and shy but as the night progressed we just relaxed amongst the group and because he had brought me a "Pina Colada mixer" since I was complaining prior to the party that all the recipes couldn't agree on what kind of rum went into it I said I would give him a kiss at midnight since I was so anxious about whether I'd get my Pina Colada right.  I have no idea whether this makes any sense to you because I am nursing a bit of a hangover and have had about one hour's sleep.

Meanwhile, a few of us girls had snuck up the driveway to have a ciggie and the conversation turned to the man in question.  I think I might have said something about how I thought he liked me and one of the girls said "oh he just likes everyone" and declared they all were planning on giving him a midnight kiss.  One of the girls had a traumatic episode of her ex assaulting her very badly and was currently in a friends-with-benefits situation pretending that she doesn't fancy the guy but it was fairly clear that she really did.  The other girl was 6 weeks post-breakup from her ex-fiance.  So certainly some fresh pain in their lives.

So midnight came and he gave me a kiss and it was nice, and then he gave me another one and there was just a little spark. From what I could see (and I wasn't really watching that closely) everyone else just got a peck on the cheek.  Afterwards, one of the girls I had really got along well with all night (6 weeks out of a relationship) suddenly started calling me a bitch during our drunken conversation about [let's call him Mr Bond shall we?] Mr Bond.  She said I was being a bitch by getting worried about what she would think about my being with him and said to me "I don't give a shit..." etc.  It was really horrible.  I'd spent 6hrs talking and laughing with this girl and I couldn't understand whether it was the booze or her true personality and issues showing.  When Mr Bond came back with our cocktails I tried to reassure her that I liked her, we were friends etc etc. and had a bit of a laugh about something but truth be told I barely saw her for the remainder of the night after that.

Mr Bond managed to talk me into getting my swimsuit out of the car to go in the pool and that he would escort me.  He had been talking about it and insisting that we go for a while and when we were outside I honestly don't really remember how it happened but we were kissing and he was holding me...  Back in the pool he didn't hide his affection for me and held me, kissed me, cuddled me in the pool even though once in a while I still tried to be part of the group and talk to the others and even went up for another ciggie with the girl in the friends-with-benefits relationship.  She had started to be very cold towards me but while we were on the driveway and I asked her about herself and responded to her with lots of positive comments, she was great.  However the moment we joined the others her indifference remained and all conversations and plans we had made to meet up with her later in the week at her apartment ("and bring your son!") were suddenly empty promises as she showed me very clearly with her body language that she didn't want to hug me goodbye and had a vague non-commital response to my now bringing up that I might see her later in the week at her place.  It was really awful.  Even Mr Bond noticed and said to me "you've done nothing wrong."  Apparently earlier in the evening she had brushed her leg up against him so I guess she was annoyed that he'd obviously wanted me and not her.

It is so sad to me that women can be so jealous of each other instead of wishing each other well.  I mean, she had met Mr Bond once before and so it's unlikely that she had a real thing for him otherwise I could understand her reaction to me.  I kind of wish Mr Bond had not been so open about his affection for me in front of everyone but as he said, we didn't do anything wrong by doing so.  So I guess that was the dampener of the evening.  That and my ex-husband ringing me about 10 x between 3 and 4am because he was having a hard time getting our son to sleep!

As for the rest, I won't kiss and tell :)  Just to say that I hope that we will see each other soon and that I can get to know him better and see if the attraction is really a match - whether he's someone I could really fall in-love with.

It's weird when you get together with someone while you've had too much to drink because it's decisions you've made that you might have or might not have made while sober and it's all a bit of a fog, so I'm hoping that I will hear from him again and we can get to know each other better so I can make a decision while sober!!!  What I will say is that he is funny, intelligent and good looking (great body - works out!)...
So fingers crossed...

A lot can change in 12hrs

So I was tempted to delete the entire last post but seeing as I am a social experiment for those of you living vicariously through my dating experiences, I would not want to deprive you of any strange gaps in the story.

I will not be seeing either man any time soon.  The one I talked all night on the phone to (twice) has disappeared.  Not returning my texts but very much alive as I spotted him on NZ Dating several times throughout the day no doubt looking for someone else...

Why is it that women generally give a reason and make sure the other person knows we're not interested (in a nice, kind way) and men just stop contacting?  Is it because they are cowards and it is the easy way out for them?  Or is it because they lack the same empathy and concern that women generally have to know what that might be like for the other person?  Some kind of explanation would have been nice.  However in my mind I have decided on a few options:

a) he has found someone "more appealing"
b) he has discovered something about me in our conversation that doesn't suit him
c) he really is an overweight, smelly, older man that lives in a 1bdm basement flat and doesn't wash very often or put out the rubbish on a regular basis and has entirely invented this "other persona" to better fulfill his life

I guess I'll never know...

As for the other date I was meant to have this week, he seemed to never be free when I was and he's suggested we get together after Christmas.  Problem is I have my son on his holidays from daycare for weeks on end without much of a break so that will be very hard to achieve.  So goes the difficulty of dating when you are a single mother to a young child.

Well Merry Christmas to all you readers out there... especially those of you that are single.  May it be the kind of day that is filled with the people that love you.  And here's to a New Year full of love and possibilities.

The Prelude to Date #14?

I have spent the last two nights talking on the phone to a man I have never met.  It started with messages on NZ Dating that became online messages and then a phonecall talking for about 4 or 5 hours!  I don't remember the last time I did that...  maybe when I was a teenager..

He is intelligent, educated, has a very good job and financially secure.  He reminds me of Paul Henry - and I love Paul Henry - and I love talking to him.  He is interesting, witty, makes me laugh, mischievous, cheeky and intriguing.  We spark off each other and banter backwards and forwards.

We have talked about everything and nothing.  I am waiting for the shoe to drop.. It's totally pessimistic of me.  But it's because I'm used to it and I think that if I prepare myself for it somehow it will hurt less.  The disappointment won't be a surprise.  It won't end in tears like Date #8.

Don't get me wrong, he's not perfect.  He doesn't share my faith though he was brought up Catholic and we have grown up in different worlds:  his father focused on making money - my parents focused on helping people in their helping-professions.  He is driven and ambitious and needs to succeed and not fail and while I relate to that in some ways since it makes up a bit of my personality, I see success differently.  With his family background of money, good schools and nannies and my typical middle-class upbringing, it would seem that on the surface he might have totally different values to me.  But it seems that he has rejected a lot of the values his father has and is searching for something deeper and less materialistic.  This remains to be seen, though.

I just feel that those differences are not necessarily significant.  Do not necessarily pose any problem.  I am dying to meet him to see if we have spark in "real life" and hoping that he could cause me to fall in-love.  But as I said, I'm waiting for the shoe to drop.  The "something" that ruins everything.

In the meantime, I have been chatting briefly online to another gentleman who wants to meet with me this week.  So it looks like I could get my date before Christmas after all... 

Date #13 'The Taxi Driver'

This is the date where I learned to pay attention to a person's occupation as a reflection of where they may be at.

I honestly looked good for this date.  For once, my hair was going right, I had on a really pretty, feminine top and there's nothing like feeling good/looking good that gives you a bit of confidence.

The second I saw Date #13 I knew it was all a waste of time.  You can tell a lot from the way a person holds himself or his facial expressions.  Sure enough, when he opened his mouth I knew that either this guy had an Intellectual Disability or an extremely low IQ.  I am not being mean saying that - I work around people with Intellectual Disabilities and love being around them but it's just a fact.  I guess the mean part was that I wanted to turn on my heel and run immediately and instead I had to get through a cup of coffee.  Still, it was the shortest date I have ever had.  I tried to make polite conversation while sipping my coffee while thinking of an excuse or reason to go.  By the way - he wasn't a taxi driver.  He was an aspiring taxi driver and out of work :(

Poor guy texted me and asked me if I'd like to see him again.  And when I said no, I didn't think it would work he texted me back to say "That's ok you're not exactly what I'm looking for either but I really do hope you find a nice guy who will treat you as good as I could have treated you  as a nice girl like you deserves to be treated right.  Besides I have someone else in mind."  So a bit of a mixed reply there :)  And then next text was "What put you off?"  My mum (who I went to see afterwards) and is honestly the most gentlest, most softly spoken little older lady said to me "I think you should just refuse to reply.  You can hardly say that you thought he was mentally retarded!"  which made me crack up laughing...  Political correctness wasn't around in her day..

I have decided to continue seeing Date #12 as friends in case a spark grows out of that (open to the idea that maybe I rule things out too early sometimes).

I'm also not seeing Mr. Peacock/Geese/Swans since his profile says he is a Truck Driver.  At least, I am assuming that Mr Peacock/Geese/Swans is a truck driver since his profile actually said "Track Driver" so guessing he spelled truck wrong :-/

Just need someone who has had a bit of education or at least can engage me in intelligent conversation.  I know some of you will think that presumptuous of me but I can't tell you how disappointing it is turning up for a date with all your hopes up and finding out instantly that there's not a chance in hell that it will work but having to sit through it anyway.  I need the combination of an attractive, intelligent man (that treats me well) that I have spark with.  And I'm prepared to hold out for it :)

Another thing that's really disappointing (for those of you that have never tried internet dating before and wondering how it all goes) is how many attractive, intelligent men send you messages saying something like "nice cleavage!" or turn the conversation around to sex all the time.  But I'm not giving up yet...

Will I find someone I'd like to go on a date with before Christmas??  Time will tell - watch this space!!

Up-to-Date

This now brings you up-to-date.  Apart from Mr. Chatty I have done very little dating in the past month.  I have been talking online to a few guys:

One who wanted to know my weight or a full-body picture before he met me.  Maybe that's a reasonable request, I don't know but I felt really uncomfortable about it so I let that one go.
Another who I texted backwards and forwards for ages every day and frequently until he said to me "I'm beginning to love you" (we had not met).  And I also discovered that he only met up with his kids once a week in a public place for 1.5hrs (I'm assuming supervised-visits).  I didn't want to meet him after that.
A third who I'm currently still talking to who has told me he'd love to one day have a big landscaped section with lots of animals around - but specifically mentioned geese, swans and peacocks.  What was more odd was that he seemed to know quite a bit about them in detail.
A fourth who I'm meeting up with tomorrow who sounds really nice but he is a taxi-driver.  Don't get me wrong, I am not a snob, but I do think that that a couple has to be able to connect intellectually and I have had quite a bit of education so I really don't know how it's going to work out unless he's studying on the side or has more dreams and aspirations than driving a car.

I know how this all sounds to some of you - that I am extremely picky and maybe I am.  Or maybe I'm just having trouble finding someone that's suited to me.  That has the package of being intelligent and attractive with that little spark between us?  And at the same time, it is true that I am scared not only of being hurt or of "putting myself out there" and getting rejected - but also of finding someone who is destructive for me in the way that my ex-husband was.  That old saying - once bitten, twice shy.  So to be fair, at least I'm giving it a chance and being brave.

If you have an opinion on how it's going so far, please add your comments or vote on the polls.  In the meantime, I'll let you know how it all goes with 'The Taxi Driver' tomorrow...

Date #12

After a fun but disappointing "Speed Dating Party" (just honestly doesn't feel at all natural and a bit set up to me), I put myself on NZ Dating.  I hadn't until that point simply because everyone told me men (and women!) were only after one thing with that site.  But clearly my profile puts those kinds of men off.  I guess I took a different approach this time round.  I talked to them online for a long while before agreeing to meet with them or giving out my mobile number.

For a single mother, you have limited time off as it is - it's nice meeting up with guys for a date, but when it seems like a waste of time it's precious time that I've wasted that I could be doing other things and I thought maybe I was rushing in too soon.  So after about 50 messages on NZ Dating I had to wade through, it came down to just a couple that I thought might be possibilities.

One of those I decided to meet up with.  However this post has been removed since I discovered he read my blog!!!!  :)

For those who are unable to miss one dating episode, please make a comment and I'll email you this blog entry.

Date #11 Stood Up

So I took another dating break for a while.  I was still chatting to ISTJ and we'd met up a few times as friends - mostly to whine about our lack of love-life.  Eventually I came across this gorgeous policeman and since I'd been given free tickets to the opening night of a Comedy Show at the new Q Theatre, I asked him if he'd like to join me.  I was going out to dinner with friends in the city beforehand.  I got to the restaurant a bit late and had rushed to find a carpark nearby.  I spent half the time it seemed trying to call and text my date to see if he was meeting me etc. and with absolutely no reply assumed he wasn't coming so then called ISTJ to see if he wanted to join me that evening since I was clearly being stood up.  I think where it started to go wrong with the policeman was that he asked me what I did for a living (by message online) and I had replied, and then a while later in another message he asked me again.  By the third or was it sixth (?) time he said something like "Sure, I'll go that'd be great.  By the way, what do you do for a living again?"  I thought he was joking and laughed about it and after he apologized, realised he was serious.  Maybe he had 60 emails to go through, who knows.  Anyway he asked me if I still wanted to see him and I said yeah, he'd have to make it up to me :)  To which he replied that he was on-call that night but it should be ok.  So I kind of figured it could go south and had ISTJ prepared...  I didn't get his text until after I'd said where I was (what restaurant I was in) so whether he came into the city and decided he didn't like the look of me and finally texted me to say sorry he'd been called in to work, I don't know... or whether I'm just being paranoid..

I've heard of some people who drive around the block or see their blind date sitting there and just keep driving (or walking) so who knows.  But I didn't give him a second chance.  I suppose by this stage I was getting a bit ruthless when it came to dating.

I'd worn my ugly hold-in knickers and a skirt with a split right up my thigh just for the gorgeous policeman so I thought I may as well make the most of the evening.  So I met ISTJ at the bar at the Q Theatre.  Unfortunately between the knickers, and the split skirt, stockings and heels it meant that I couldn't sit comfortably on the couch so I suggested perching on a bar stool around a table.  When that didn't seem to help I was very relieved when it was time to go in and I could throw my jacket over my split skirt while we watched the entertainment.

When ISTJ and myself went into the Comedy club, it was fairly full and we sat about 3rd or 4th row back. I said to him "I don't want to sit in the front row or they might pick on us."  Well as law of Murphy goes, we were in fact picked on (or ISTJ was) and asked him for a scenario and some other questions about himself so they could re-enact it.  They asked whether we were on a date, and I said (emphatically) no - which they all found really funny - and then asked me what his personality was like.  I decided to be kind and said successful and driven.  Intense could have been a better description maybe.  But the funny part was that they re-enacted ISTJ on a date and somehow pulling out loads of condoms - I don't know how it got roped into the story but the amusing part was that every scenario from then on had a little man coming along with a condom machine offering condoms to every single person in every scenario they created!  It was extremely funny.

What wasn't so funny was the carpark bill at the end of the night.  Somehow I'd managed to park at the carpark directly above the Langham Hotel.  I think it cost me $38 for about 3 or 4 hours, and thankfully I had taken my car out when I did as the maximum was $50!!!

This ended up being the last time I saw ISTJ.  Not long after that he met someone he started dating and up until that point I had often wondered why we kept in contact at all considering our differences in personalities and values and well, just about everything.  But possibly the thing we had in common at that point were our disastrous love-lives that we mutually moaned about.  When he started dating someone, after my latest disaster dates I simply wasn't in the mood to hear about his success so I let our friendship drop.  Bearing in mind also that the very last time I saw him he was dropping off my mobile phone that I'd left mistakenly and had his kids in the car who were kind of bratty.  I love kids, and I get on with all kids but these kids were calling me names and laughing and their father seemed to have trouble getting them to stop.

So feeling like I had hit a dry spell with 'Find Someone' I let my membership lapse, took some time out and decided to try something else when I was ready.