"The Priest"

Most of the time when I go on a date, I'm in a good headspace.  I couldn't tell you why I wasn't this time.  Maybe it's because I had hopes for it turning out - even though I knew he was going to be moving away from Auckland in the coming months.  I was nervous.  I literally had to give myself a good pep-talk in the car - you know, the self-affirmation thing.  I was a bit early which of course makes me more nervous - being the one waiting.

I didn't know exactly what to expect.  His photos weren't good in terms of detail.  We had been talking for a while (online) by the time we met, so I knew a bit about him.  He was not a priest at all but a newly ordained Anglican vicar or whatever the technical term is (I don't know!)  He was about to fill a post which was a mandatory part of the process for I think three years in a small town.  I thought at the time that I was likely to be travelling with my job so it needn't be an issue.

Due to my nerves, I asked all about him.  I responded with my own thoughts on what he said and we had lengthy and interesting conversations about faith and God and Christianity and church.  While he held fairly traditional views, and mine were probably very non-traditional in comparison, we seemed to still find common ground.  I have to say, I really enjoyed the conversation because it is rare for me to find someone who shares that common interest - if it can be described that way.

I found him to be very nice, diplomatic, affirming and pleasant - just as you would expect a young vicar to be.  He seemed very conservative in comparison to the guys I'd been spending time with, and well brought up.  Possibly a bit too traditional and conservative for me - but definitely worth getting to know and spending time with at least to find out if there was any potential there.

As we were wrapping things up and he mentioned he was going to walk into the city from there (he took the bus to the cafe).  I said I'd give him a lift but I was on my way to the Osteopath.  The very odd thing was that as we said goodbye to one another and he left, I saw him start sprinting down the road out of the corner of my eye and I wondered what that was about!  Did he badly need to go to the loo and didn't like to say while we were having coffee together - saw McDonalds and made a run for it?  Did he take up my suggestion that he catch a bus in to the city and had spotted one pulling away?  Did he have another date lined up and was late?  Or was he just so relieved to get out of there that he wanted to put as much distance between us in as short a time as possible?  It has perplexed me ever since but I did not like to ask in case it was the loo thing and it offended his sensibilities to discuss such matters.

Later that day (or could have been the next) I had a lovely message from him simply saying that I had inspired him in our conversation about helping the community and I replied by saying that I admired the sacrifice it required of him to go into ministry and his commitment to it.  He never replied.  So I figured "yup - not that into me...just wanted to wish me well."

For some strange reason this last failed date had a real affect on me.  I suppose I had been having mixed feelings about dating or being in a relationship for a while, but at this time I was really struggling with the rejection I was beginning to feel from "putting myself out there" and it not going well.  I discovered I was still reeling from the rejection I felt from my ex-husband.  It was about this time that things began to unravel for me.  I realised that I still loved my husband, that I found his rejection (not wanting to work it out with me) very painful and for some reason this last date was the one that opened my eyes to it.  

Speeddating Revisited

So I was late arriving at the Speed Dating event.  My mother is about to visit my brother in Hawaii and was blathering on to me about it while I struggled with my shoes (I have a love-hate relationship with these particular shoes - the hate part is due to the buckles taking 20 minutes to do up).  But I have to say I was relieved to be late.  It meant that I didn't have to sit there like an idiot at the bar with no one to talk to since I went alone.  Yes!  I went alone!!!

I was informed that two women had already left due to the low numbers that had turned out - particularly men.  And I learned later that another got up and left after complaining to one of the men that the "talent" was very poor and she had met half of them at a previous Speeddating event.  While I could understand her reasons for leaving, I didn't think much of her sharing it with one of those guys she considered were "without talent".

I strolled in confidently finding the whole scene most entertaining.  It has to be said that for a mother of a young child, a night out doing anything is exciting no matter what it is.

OK, I was a little nervous but it didn't last long.  As the bell sounded, my first "date" arrived and immediately I knew it was a waste of time.  He was from Iran, middle-aged and all I remember about him was that the time dragged on and on and I thought that 5 minutes would never end.  I asked him as many questions as I could to fill the empty space.

There was one guy amongst the 10 or 12 I met who carried a notebook with him in case he ever got stuck for questions or to write notes so he could give you careful consideration later.  One of his questions was, "what was the last book you read?"  I tried to explain that I was hooked on a Marian Keyes run of novels from my local 2nd hand bookstore but he likened them to Mills and Boon (apparently the term "Chicklit" was lost on him and 'Romance Novels' only came in the Mills and Boon form).  This made me feel suitably put out since the last time I read a Mills and Boon was on a dull day at work  at the oldies' Retirement Village and although Marian Keyes couldn't be described as "serious reading" I'd like to think of myself as intelligent enough to discern a good author/read from a bad one.  Danielle Steel, for example, does nothing for me.  In fact, I find myself hoping something terrible happens to the main heroine in the hope that the story might improve.

Another guy that stands out in my memory introduced himself as someone who worked at the Warehouse, and who usually wouldn't be out at this time but working a shift.  He kept watching his clock and indicated that he needed to go soon - something to do with his mother expecting him home.

And yet another was a short, obnoxious loud mouth, dressed so scruffily he looked like he'd just walked off a building site.  I remember he either had extremely stained teeth or missing teeth or maybe both.  He actually had the cheek to point out other men in the room and put them down.  It was very uncomfortable and since I'd already had a few brief conversations with him (because he was the sort of person who forced you to) prior to officially meeting him at my table, I was dreading my five minutes with him and was very happy to see the back end of it (the five minutes that is - believe me, I had no interest in seeing his back end at all)...

Overall, the woman who left deeply unimpressed by the talent was quite right.  At some point into the night, I found myself considering men who I would never normally consider, and then ticking the "yes" box simply because otherwise I would walk away with not one date and it all seemed such a waste of money.  The most attractive man there (who seemed very cocky in actual fact but at least halfway normal) was only a few inches taller than myself.  And I am 5'3".  There were a couple of other older professional men who I also ticked yes to simply because we had a good conversation not because there was any connection, chemistry or attraction.  I think I ticked around 3 yes boxes but only one of those had ticked yes for me - can you imagine how that felt!  But as it was, the man I was "matched with" never contacted me nor I him - and I'm relieved.  In hindsight I didn't want to spend time with any of those guys.  None of them seemed right for me.

I know how I sound right now - a bit too cool for school, and as my dear "ex-friend" would say - I'm not "all that"! (bitch).. But I was kind and respectful to those men and honestly thought many of them were lovely - they were just not right for me.  Later on, I joined a group of women and there was one woman in particular who was keen to bag the lot of them and I found myself defending Mr. Notebook (bald, middle-aged, glasses -not my type, but he was a nice guy if a little peculiar - and I don't like to hear nice guys being scorned like that!)  But we could all relate to the Iranian being "the longest 5 minutes we'd ever spent".

So that was my Speeddating experience which I intend to never repeat.