Dates #20 and #21

A lesson in instant chemistry:  sometimes it is surface-deep.

He met me one sunny afternoon - I watched him from the open window of the cafe as he walked towards me.  It literally sizzled between us.  He was quick to catch my hand and my stomach was all butterflies as he made eyes at me - making me blush furiously  That first date ended up with a short walk on a long beach, his arms around me, stopping to kiss me and literally making my head spin.  Within weeks however, though the chemistry never cooled off too much - we had nothing to really talk about.  He was a P.E. Teacher from England and though neither of those things were a problem for me per se, the only interests he had that I knew about was that he liked to go to the gym and sip Berocca from a pump bottle.  He wasn't terribly interested in me as a person (asked very little about myself), and we seemed to have little in common.  The attraction seemed purely physical.  Within a few dates I knew it would not deepen between us so I moved on.

My next date the chemistry was also off the charts, but this time we talked a great deal - he dated me for a wee while, taking me to dinner, to lunch, for coffee, to the movies... but in between times, his communication with me was sporadic and the dates became fewer and the time in between lengthier, till one fateful evening when he looked into my eyes over a glass of wine - he told me that the distance between us was simply too much.  There was just a 30 minute ferry trip and a gulf of water that separated us geographically, but this appeared to be too much for him.  I was disappointed because he ticked so many of my boxes (chemistry, intelligence, attraction), but philosophical because by the time it ended the amount of times I'd seen him had trickled to a virtual stop.

Guess Who's Back?

As if I haven't got enough to do, I thought I'd come back and have another go at this since I'm having another go at dating.  It's been 18 months and so here's the update:

• My son is now 5 years old and going to school and I'm seriously seriously busy juggling him, part-time work and part-time (nearly full time) study at Masters level and a home owner now (woohoo!)
• I'm still separated from my husband and intend on getting a divorce this year.  The love has gone, the pain has gone, the trust has gone.  And I deserve something better.
• I'm still not really sure what I'm doing but I'm definitely a lot further along since last I was here

I have moved twice since I last wrote this blog.  First move was to isolate myself on an Island (not deserted - just 8000 inhabitants) where the only single man anyone seemed to know was this guy called Simon.  For some reason, he's one of those people where you couldn't say his name without saying his last name even though you didn't know anyone else by the name of Simon.  For the sake of privacy (which is stupid because everyone who knows him will know exactly who I'm talking about), I will call him Simon the Bus Driver.  Everyone on this particular Island if ever the conversation of my single status should come up or dating or romance or relationships, they would all (every single one of them) say to me:  "What about Simon the Bus Driver??  He's nice!" and I would say, "Yeah, I thought about him but honestly he doesn't really like me and we don't actually get along very well, and anyway, he's an alcoholic."  It was like he was the only single man on the whole Island that they knew.  It's altogether possible that this was the case.  He was one of two men on the Island I knew that was single - and the other guy has now left to go overseas. One of my friends even suggested to me that she thought the reason we didn't get along was just sexual chemistry - she was sure of it, she said.  "But he's a drunk!" I protested.  "So am I!" she would declare.  Hard to argue with that.

One particular rainy day where there's absolutely nothing to do except gossip on Facebook, I was heralded with congratulations.  Apparently Simon and I had finally hooked up and were an item. Sealed the deal.  Confused at the sudden leap to this gem of gossip making its way round the rumour mill, I enquired as to what led to this conclusion.  Apparently Simon the Bus Driver's car had been seen parked outside my house.  Momentarily puzzled, I then suggested that I lived next to a vineyard that had tour buses visit it all the day long and might that have been the reason?  Some weeks later, the story had been further clarified.  Apparently it wasn't Simon the Bus Driver's car that was seen parked outside my house - it was my car that was seen parked outside his house for several days in fact so the assumption was that things had gone very well indeed for us.  I thought about this for a few minutes and then it came to me - I had in fact (at another friend's suggestion), parked opposite her house a few weeks back so she could watch my car while I went to Wellington for several days so that I could avoid bus or parking issues when I arrived back with my tired son.  She lived, as it happened, opposite Simon the Bus Driver.  This was as close as we got to any sort of romantic connection whatsoever.

The only other encounter I had on said Island was at their own small version of Kiwi Burn - which in turn is New Zealand's small version of Burning Man - ie. pretty much a dance and a drink or two. I had my hair in two pigtails and headed for the "Domes" which were round rooms a bit like a Hobbit's house.  There were constant DJ's going, a bonfire and an outside area with a swing seat.  I made a beeline for the cutest guy at the party, but when I took a wee break to check in with the girls, I was informed that this guy was trouble and had been jailed for killing a man.  At my utter dismay at hearing this, I decided there was only one thing for it: I must ask him about it.  Apparently between this conversation and my constant need to fall over due to being body stoned from the marijuana chocolate, he lost interest in me.  So ends the sum total of my experiences of men at that time.  Well, there was one other - but that's a whole other story for a whole other blog ;)