Osteopath Crush

Well it's been very quiet on the dating front, sadly.  Although I have to say that when I was seeing the student Osteopath today and her drop-dead gorgeous tutor walked in I thought to myself, surely this would count as Date #19?  After all, I was lying prostrate and half-naked and he put his hands on me (admittedly it was my neck he put his hands on - but he had a good view of my boobs pointing up towards the ceiling).  Not to mention the fact that he had put aftershave on for the occasion and smelt divine!  I found myself feeling in equal measures proud and embarrassed of the mammoth size of my boobs (it is seriously shocking what pregnancy and breastfeeding did to my boobs and now DD is a distant memory...)  He left with a smile and wishing me a good weekend.  To be honest, it's better than many of the dates I've been on so far!  Ok, admittedly he might have manipulated and made my neck crack a bit which other dates have not done, but certainly relieved pain rather than added to it.

I am going to keep my 4:30pm Friday appointment and start wearing makeup and doing my hair and not wearing dire clothes like I was today or my unflattering jeans or my shoes that make my feet stink when I take them off.  And I'm going to spray myself with perfume and peppermint spray my stinky feet and make sure I give him eye contact and flirt a little whilst sucking in my tummy...  And might even mention that to my student Osteo that I think her tutor is cute - as long as he's not wearing a wedding ring.  But let's face it - he's probably taken.

Moving on...

My many conversations with numerous interesting and attractive men seem to have fizzled on my Findsomeone/NZ Dating websites.  I'm wondering why this is.  Those of you who are in the world of internet dating, perhaps you can tell me what your experiences are and what you think is going on?  It's not like any of these men have suggested that we meet up (as yet), but clearly they are interested, otherwise why would they bother to chat backwards and forwards?  And because I want to know that he's into me and therefore to do the inviting out (and also I want to get to know them a bit before I meet up with them), I often chat to them for a little while at least.  But eventually (and by eventually I mean maybe a week or two at the most), he doesn't reply to my last message and so it sort of "fizzes".

What I want to know is - why is it fizzing?  Is it because I need to move faster and suggest we talk on the phone or meet up because invariably he is also talking to other women and met them and they've begun something?  Or is it because of something I have said that they've decided I'm not for them or they've just lost interest?  Or something else?

Anyway, all is not lost as I have a few other things I'm going to try:

1) a singles social group where we meet up socially about once or maybe twice a month (still haven't got to know people well yet)
2) I've organized an event via the internet dating sites while I'm away attending a course in a nearby city and invited all the yummiest guys I could find in the area.. course other women will be there (sadly) :)
3) I'm attending another event here in Auckland where through the events on the dating site Find Someone with about 80 other people
4) I'm going to speed dating next week (not Verity's speed dating but another one)

So I'm still putting myself out there... fingers crossed I'll have more to report soon :)

With Friends Like You - Who Needs Enemas?

Verity from Speed Dating in Auckland posted a Facebook status today that captured a letter she had received to encourage her after all the criticism she'd had recently for her service.  However, towards the bottom of the letter it read:

"Be encouraged, forget the silly nonsense from whiners.
I have plenty of those friends, complain of the lack of quality men, and dam they aint all that themselves, but bless their little deluded selves they will stay single and bitter forever.
Will be in touch babe, keep your chin up and see you again soon (-:"

Unfortunately for the person that wrote that letter and for the person that publically posted it on Facebook - I am one of her friends.  I recognized her situation the minute I read it and since I'm one of her single friends I had to ask her about it.  Sure enough, she wrote the letter.  And when I asked her about the statements above  (what friends were you talking about?) she decided to not only unfriend me but also block me.  After 20 years of friendship (we were best friends in high school and so we've known each other for more like 23 years - since we were 14) in 2 seconds flat after hurting me and seemingly without caring two hoots about it, she ends it.

This is the second time she has been found out backstabbing me.  The last time I had invited her along to a regular social event I ran for single parents as a kind of support to them (and me as I was going through a separation at the time).  Upon coming along and befriending everyone she then criticized everything about me and the way I ran it.  The end result was that I found out about it and all the people that had been coming, stopped coming and the group died.  I should have ditched her then.  She said at the time that she was ashamed and was sorry but despite my saying I forgave her as that's what friends do when people stuff up - she was never the same towards me.  Kept her distance and in hindsight whenever I shared things about my career for instance that was going well, she sat in awkward silence as if she believed that I couldn't do anything of the kind (I'm very ambitious when it comes to my career but you'd expect your friends to cheer you on wouldn't you?)

About a week ago she sought me for a character reference.  Believe it or not, she is seeking to go into the world of mentoring, Christian ministry and counselling and teaching!  At the time I have to say I had reservations about giving her a reference.  But because I was her friend I decided to support her and believe in her.  Now I wish I hadn't.  Until she can learn how to be a good friend, how not to sit in judgment of other people and how to keep her big mouth shut she's unlikely to be very good at her job.  It's the basics of good character I would have thought - and there are too many two-faced people out there pretending to be something they're not.  How can you teach others to have good character when you struggle to show that yourself?  And fair enough if you make a mistake, but own it for heavens sake instead of blame-shifting.  I'm so astonished at the lack of sensitivity and once found out the could-care-less attitude.  Not someone I'd pick for a mentor or a counsellor, personally.

Well my gripe does not just lie there - because at the time I asked Verity whether she would remove her status from her facebook page as I found it upsetting to have it up there.  Verity uses her own name as the Speed Dating business facebook page.  Unfortunately, Verity responded by saying that she thought it odd that I thought I knew the person and she wouldn't remove the status but would instead unfriend me so I wouldn't see her status!

Don't get me wrong, I have attended one of Verity's events and had a lot of fun and I thought Verity was a nice person, however she's clearly not dealing with complaints/criticism well.  She has decided to publically post the complaints into newsletters and on her facebook page instead of addressing them privately and professionally (which prompted my friend's letter to "try and counter the attacks she'd received").  And in my case, instead of at the very least removing a few sentences at the end of the letter, Verity chose to delete me, one of her customers.  Even if she disagreed with my request - why would you do that to a customer in a situation like this?  That is unprofessional and a hell of a way to do business. 

So all in a day's work:  I have been publically criticized, unfriended (twice), blocked and had a "friend" betray me and get rid of me as if I was dirt on her shoe.  But as the title implies - who needs friends like that?