Date #16 "The 4th Date"

So Date #16 changed his mind and insisted we go out - he even picked me up - but I made it clear that I would pay for my own dinner to which he was verbally grateful (sigh).  I put a frock on and he took me to a Thai Restaurant in Ponsonby.  On the way there I did tease him about a few things and I guess I didn't realise that it could have upset him but he didn't say anything.  An example was when we were searching for a park and he tooted at a carload of girls in front of him for going too slow while pulling out from a give way and yelled out the window "go!" or whatever at them...  I was honestly embarrassed and told him so.  Another time was when he told me to stop talking while he was reversing into a park (parallel parking) and he said he wasn't good at reversing and had to concentrate.  I teased him saying we all have our little quirks... but meant nothing by it.  By the time I got out of the car he had crossed the road and it was clear that there was something wrong.  I said "are you OK?" and after the second time he said that if I asked him that again he was going to blow up at me.  So we walked largely in silence up to the restaurant as I was a bit taken aback by the change in direction the date was now going.

After the exhausting afternoon with my toddler I just felt like crying to be honest, but he made small talk and we seemed to make a recovery enough to enjoy our meal together.  Most beautiful green thai curry I've had in a long time.  A trip to the supermarket after that was uneventful as we walked arm in arm or hand in hand.  With the weather clearing up and it still relatively early he suggested we light the bonfire anyway so I bought a bottle of wine.

It was back in the car on the way home that things started to unravel again.  We had started a conversation about sex and condoms and in the space of maybe 20 seconds he informed me that he had diabetes, that it affected his performance and followed this with a defensive comment that I now can't remember - but said it all quite angrily which made my eyes go wide with surprise and was totally lost for speech apart from perhaps stating "Oh my gosh!"  which I think he misunderstood as my reaction to the information he had just given me but was in fact the reaction to the sudden blurting of this information followed by an angry defensive comment made at me.  All I could say was "you just told me all of that in 20 seconds and that's a lot of information to process all at once!" but I don't think he understood still and started to have a go at me for the way I reacted. Then said that he'd been "biting his tongue" all night bringing up the incidence of tooting at the girls in the car and said that I was critical and over-react to things or make a big emotional drama out of stuff that is unimportant.  His rant continued and he started to speak down to me like a child, suggesting that I was emotionally immature compared to him and lacked some intelligence in this department.  He started sounding very much like a cross parent giving me a lecture for behaving very badly and started to say that he was taking me home.  Mostly I was in shocked silence.  He went on about how I had made him feel bad and that he didn't like who he was with me, that he hated conflict and that I had some major flaws in my personality.  From memory, my responses were to tell him that he was speaking down to me like I was a child and it came across as very arrogant.  He agreed with me but said it was the only way he could talk to me.  He said he was very angry and that he was not going to change his tone.  If I wanted to talk about it, then he was going to continue using an angry tone of voice because he was very angry.  I mumbled something about understanding that he felt criticized and how I hadn't any intention of doing that - to which he had a go at me for assuming I knew how he felt!  The conversation seemed to point to the fact that I had "brought this all on" by poking at him (by the teasing).  So I apologized for that - and by the third time he seemed to accept it and calm down and we were heading to his place for the bonfire.

Now before you think I am absolutely crazy for going to his place for the bonfire, I have in my defence two things:  First, I was a little bit tipsy from the wine.  Second, I have been accused of similar things by my husband and it is actually something about my personality that I wanted to work on - so despite his reaction I paid attention to what he was saying for this reason.  However, you have to understand that I was feeling uneasy and concerned.  He said to me that we needed to talk about it and resolve it but that he was feeling very sick due to the bag of lollies he'd just eaten (being Diabetic).

By now we were on Scenic Drive.  Now if you know anything about Scenic Drive, you will know that it is not well-lit open road.  Date #16 went around the roundabout and started on the stretch along Scenic Drive.  Just before a curve in the road he started complaining about the car behind tailgating us and then suddenly stopped dead in the middle of the road with 5 or more cars backing up behind him and just sat there.  I can't remember what I said apart from "What are you doing?" and covering my eyes.  He started ranting about the "boy racer" behind him tailgating and then yelled out the window "PASS YOU CUNT!"  bearing in mind that he could not safely pass since we were right before a corner and there were no passing lanes and Scenic Drive is not only windy but often narrow as well.  It felt like several minutes passed and I cannot tell you how terrified I was in that moment because the whole scene felt like sheer lunacy and after the rants that he'd been on prior to this I had no idea what this man was capable of but I wanted out.  With my eyes still covered as he finally started moving, he started to try and reassure me not to be scared as if I was scared of the boy racers behind me but I said to him that I was terrified and that I wanted to be dropped off at the beach which we were not far from.  He said he would turn around and drop me off at Titirangi shops and started ranting at me again about how I was f-ing psycho and that I had been playing mind games with him all night.  He said that he didn't want me to say anything about him to anyone (he meant on the dating websites because this has apparently happened to him before) and that he knew how to ruin my life if I did.  He said not to phone him up whimpering to come and get me and not to ever contact him ever again and that I was nuts that I wanted to be dropped off in the dark in the middle of nowhere but I said I would call my ex-husband to come and get me.  I assured him that I wouldn't contact him and asked that we just drive in silence till Titirangi but he didn't let up.  Totally frazzled I grabbed my things when we finally got to the shops and got out of the car and he drove away.  Searching my bag I immediately realised that I didn't have my mobile phone and it must have fallen out in the car.  I thought maybe I could use a pay phone but wasn't sure if they accepted coins so I approached some guys to ask for their phone and explained a bit.  They looked concerned but didn't immediately help me so I went across the road to the only remaining store open in the whole shopping centre, which happened to be a cafe that was closing and packing up.

After briefly explaining they kindly let me use their phone and I phoned my ex-husband and he told me he would come and get me.  While I waited, the staff talked to me about what happened and gave me a drink while I waited which was very kind of them.  Titirangi is like that - had I been dropped off in another Auckland suburb I could well have been in very big trouble without a phone and without a car.

My ex-husband was angry at me for getting myself into a mess but good about it and drove to Date #16's house in the hope that he could pick up my phone for me.  The lights in his house were on but the moment my ex knocked on the door the lights seemed to go out and my ex-husband decided that it was all madness at that time of night and he'd try and pick it up the next day.

The next day I got these emails:

"I take it that you left your phone in my car to cause me further trouble.  It'll be on a courier on Monday to your house.  Don't contact me again" followed by "I refuse to believe that you sat there talking to your friend and did not see me while I stood in front of you at my gate holding your phone up asking you to get out and come and get it. The games you play are ridiculous.  Courier on Monday. Tough luck if you need it before then, I don't want you at my house again."

Then I got a phonecall on my landline with him offering to bring my phone over to my house.  I said to him that my ex-husband was wanting to pick it up from him that morning.  At that point he asked me why I couldn't see him in the dark waving at us while our headlights were on and that he'd thrown the phone at us and we'd nearly driven over it as we drove away.  My ex believes that we definitely would have seen him (despite the dark) and personally I think that he turned the lights out the moment he heard a knock at the door because he was scared and didn't want to have his 5'6" self meet with my 6'2" husband and so came up with this half-baked story.  But who knows.  Anyway he said he didn't want a scene and said he'd bring the phone to me but I said I didn't want him to come over.  His reply was then "F- you then, and f- your phone" and hung up.

A bit later my ex tried to call him several times on both landline and mobile but there was no reply or he rejected the call.  Finally a text message came through asking that we stop calling him and the phone was in the post.  In his text message he suggested that I "go and practice my insanity somewhere else."  He has blocked me on facebook, via email and everywhere else (which is fine with me!)  What is astonishing about the whole thing is the way that he treated me as though I were the one behaving insanely!  My ex-husband laughed at the whole story (as well as being angry at him obviously) and said he was a lunatic.

So I either get my phone back in the post hopefully, or else have to write it all off as a bad experience.

Since the ordeal, I have had time to think about it naturally.  We once talked about our personalities and he said to me that he was the Myers Briggs personality type ENTP.  If you look that personality type up here:  http://typelogic.com/entp.html it described Date #16 very well.  But there are a few more things that I'd have to add about him.  One is that he is extremely sensitive to criticism and that tells me that there's some insecurity issues there.  The other is that he is very controlling and domineering and even admitted that to me during our argument in the car.  Based on his personality-type I'm thinking the argument was like a game to him that he was going to win no matter what, even if it meant that he had to completely dominate me into submission psychologically.  I don't know if that makes any sense to you as I can assure you it was confusing for me - I have not met a personality like this before - but I certainly felt like I was caught up in a mind game with someone who was very clever but clearly also had issues with his temper (despite denying it) and could not be trusted.

With my profiles on all dating sites now closed or deleted thus ends my internet dating journey at this point.

Date #16 "The 3rd Date"

In our conversation the night before Date #16 had told me how attractive he found me, how beautiful he thought my skin, my eyes, my hair was - how he adored my personality.  I cannot tell you how lovely it is to hear those things and how it makes me feel.  Particularly when you have had a husband and ex-husband seemingly disinterested in you physically and emotionally and has on many occasions attacked my personality and my self-esteem.  Now I'm not stupid, I know that everything is always at it's best in the beginning but I'm sure you can appreciate how nice it is in contrast to what I've had.

It's hard to explain the conversation we'd had the night of our previous date except to say that it's the kind of heart-to-heart conflict that you might have with your boyfriend several months down the track.  It was not the kind of conversation you have after a 2nd date if you want to have a third.  However, we resolved it and talked it through and it made me feel better that we understood each other.  Consequently, I spent my day at work with him at the back of my mind and it made me smile.  I texted him and said "I don't feel like working, I feel like coming over and seeing you."  His reply was "so come over!"  So we agreed that after work and my picking up my son from daycare, we'd all go to the beach and have fish and chips together.  It sounded like a lovely idea in theory.  Unfortunately, my 2yo had not had a nap at daycare and by the time we got to the beach he was in fine form.  He lasted the 15mins at the playground okay but it was downhill from there.  He needed to go to bed and I had suggested we go for a drive to see if he'd drop off to sleep.  Unfortunately this became a drive of incessant crying coming from the back seat so I redirected our destination to the supermarket where I could buy a dummy (since I didn't have one with me).  Fortunately, Date #16 decided to seek out the loo rather than join us in the supermarket because my 2yo decided to have a total meltdown and wasn't the least bit interested in the dummy.  Only parents of toddlers understand these kinds of meltdowns.  Everyone else thinks you have a total brat for a child and are the worst parent on the planet and since Date #16 does not have children, I was very glad that the meltdown was not witnessed by him in addition to all the crying and grizzling thus far.

So I should have taken him home and got him to bed and written off the whole occasion right?  Well fortunately I got the dummy into him finally (after the tantrum he threw coming off the Barney the Dinosaur ride at the mall) and he eventually sat quietly despite the peak hour traffic on the way home followed by watching Dora at Date #16's house very happily.  So from that point on we had a lovely time together.

I'm liking him.  I'm starting to enjoy it.  But I'm also feeling a bit guilty and torn about my marriage and whether I should be taking up the window of opportunity to possibly fix it.  But in order to do that I would have to break things off with this guy and what happens if I break it off and the marriage is un-fixable?  Then again, what happens if things with this guy fizz and I've lost the last opportunity to fix my marriage?  My ex-husband has been stalling this week about whether or not to go to marriage counselling despite last week being all for it (prior to meeting Date #16) because of a fight we had.  So today I made the decision to tell him  that we can just sit on it for now and revisit the idea later.  If things fizz with this guy then I can rethink whether it's something I want to do.  If things don't, I'll have to tell him I've found someone.  But I have to admit there is this nagging doubt inside me - am I doing the right thing?  Am I missing an opportunity to sort my marriage even though it has huge problems and would need a lot of work if there was any possibility of it being healed?

Second thing is, Date #16 is between jobs.  Others might call it unemployed.  It sounds bad but in fact he's had two job offers but turned them down as he can afford to wait and find the right one since work generally picks up in February apparently.  But in the meantime, it's very apparent that he has a very small budget making references to whether he has enough money for petrol when taking us up to the supermarket, the fact that so far I seem to be meeting him in places that are either very close to where he lives or at his house, and the fact that when he asks me over he often asks me to "bring something".  So not only am I paying for all the petrol to see him, I'm also having to contribute to whatever we eat/drink when I'm there!  I did let him pay for the fish and chips, but he got so little it was clear he couldn't afford much so when he suggested icecreams, I paid for those and he was very pleased about that.  It just makes me feel uncomfortable.  I hate a man talking about how broke he is - I'd rather he kept it to himself and figured out a way to make it work.  Lord knows I'm not strapped for cash being a single mother - but I find a way to see someone without it breaking the bank (though I know it's expensive) or telling them how broke I am (or making it obvious that I'm broke!)

So now here we have a problem.  I had a babysitter booked for Friday night and was going to a party where I didn't know anyone.  Date #16 didn't want to go with me so invited me over for a bonfire at his place instead.  It sounded fun so I agreed!  I was thinking toasted marshmallows...  but then the weather has packed up and so had to make alternative arrangements.  He has said that he is "budget conscious" and therefore doesn't seem to want to go out but has offered to make me dinner at his place.  Being a single mother with the rare opportunity to go out thanks to a babysitter I have suggested that I go do something and see him later.  He has read that as the cold shoulder.  Can't wait till he gets a bloody job!

Date #16 "The 2nd Date"

So after work I went to see Date #16 (I need a name for him - please feel free to make comments below with your suggestions).  It was lunchtime and I was knocking off early as I'd worked extremely late the day before.  He had told me he had coffee and some hideous vodka/lemon drink so to bring whatever I wanted to drink.  Now in my view it is nice if people you're inviting over bring something with them, but to me when you invite someone to your place they are your guest and you show hospitality by catering for them.  So I asked if he'd had lunch and he hadn't so I picked up some things for lunch and went over.

We sat outside on the deck in the sunshine with a beautiful view of the ocean and bush all around us and sipped our hideous vodka/lemon drinks and ate smoked salmon and cream cheese bagels.  I wasn't as comfortable as the first time we met but still had some good conversation.  We watched a movie together, cuddled up a bit and then I went home.  The entire time that we had physical contact I had knots in my stomach, felt anxious and scared.  I didn't realise until I was driving home and the knots in my stomach unravelling just how wound up I was.  We talked about it on the phone that night.  I couldn't really get to the bottom of why I felt like that except that perhaps I felt it was going too fast.  To make matters more complicated, my ex-husband and I had been talking about marriage counselling but had not reached any conclusion about whether or not we would go (bearing in mind we have been separated for 18 months).  I hadn't told my date this because I know that if I did he would be gone in a flash but it was in the back of my mind.

Date #16 "The Last of the Online Dates?"

For weeks now I have been in touch with that other guy from Find Someone.  Via facebook, text messages and emails.  However, I was not in a rush to meet him.  My cynicism towards internet dating and blind dates had led me to believe that it didn't work for many people - and didn't work for me.  Internet dating is appealling because it's difficult to meet people that you might like to date - that might be suited to you and it feels like a shortcut to finding a relationship.  However, it is quite an unnatural way to meet someone.  Firstly, to get to know someone whether online or by phone or by text when you don't know them and then to meet that stranger face-to-face is unusual by itself - but then so many people make a decision based on that first meeting as to whether that person is right for them or if they'll ever see them again.  Many people including myself.

While I agree that there has to be "some level of spark" from the beginning - I think the expectation that you're going to know whether or not there's any potential there within that first meeting is unrealistic and unfair.  If you find them unattractive physically or their personality a turn-off or some major issue, sure.  But if you get along well at that first meeting, it's hard to say what might develop.

It just feels like the pressure is there to make up your mind early on.  It seems that by date 3 or 4 or onwards there is the expectation that you might go to bed with them so between dates 1 (where you first meet) and 3/4 somehow you've got to know whether this has potential or not and your date is likely to want to take it to a physical level in any dates beyond that first one.  For me personally, I want to know how I feel about a person before I go along with that - so again, there's a lot of pressure for me to make up my mind early on.

I think for me, unless there are huge sparks like in the case of Mr. Yummy, internet dating is too unnatural and doesn't work for me.  I felt the same with Speed Dating.  The alternative is bound to take much longer (meeting someone socially at a party or whatever) - and with the Kiwi Male Reserve (or shyness?) and the Male Drought it could be a long wait - but that may have to be the way it is.

However, Date #16.  In my communication we had bantered backwards and forwards about dating and relating topics and I'd mentioned that I didn't know really what I wanted and had decided I wasn't really interested in dating but in making friends.  Despite this, he seemed keen to meet with me as a friend and we met for coffee today.  I had enjoyed the banter backwards and forwards but after 15 previous failures I did not have my hopes up or huge enthusiasm and I couldn't even muster up any nervousness.  I had managed to splash some perfume on and a tiny bit of makeup but I hadn't even washed my hair and my t-shirt and jeans were certainly not well thought out.  Hiding underneath my t-shirt was a vegemite stain my son had given me that morning.  I was passable but not at my best.

I saw him sitting outside the cafe facing the other way so I had time to check him out before he saw me, and to be honest, I thought he looked cute.  A little overweight and a little shorter than what I'd normally go for but attractive nevertheless.  We both smiled at each other and I think we both knew in that moment that neither of us was disappointed.  I was casual and he was casual and we just sat out in the sun sipping our lattes respectively, shooting the breeze and laughing at each other's jokes.  He was intelligent, funny and we talked (not inappropriately) about a few personal things.  He's unique and I have to say that I like unique men.  Interesting men that have their own distinct personality.  He has a bit of a lisp and yet carries himself with confidence.  A mixture of kindness and not taking any crap.

He told me that I made him look good just by sitting next to him, which made me feel good.  And he told me that he thought I was "cool" and he'd like to "hang out" with me, which was nice.  Knowing how I currently feel about dating (that I have told you in this and recent previous posts), he told me in a text message that he did "dig me" (I later told him that was very 1970's of him) and he said my homework was just to relax and be cool with that...

I have to say it's nice to have a little spark with someone, and nice to have that someone be interested in pursuing you - and for that someone to understand where you're at.  I have told him that if things develop too quickly I'm likely to run.  He has responded by reminding me about my homework and told me that too often his experience with women has been that they try to control the life out of a relationship which sends it to an early grave.  He's encouraged me to just see what happens.

We only saw each other for about an hour as I had to go and pick up my son but we're seeing each other again tomorrow - he's invited me to his place for a coffee on his deck while listening to music.  So I'm looking forward to that and trying not to panic or think too far ahead.

Date #15 "The Rejection Letter"

I had by now stopped my membership on the site Find Someone as well, and had only a few guys I was corresponding with.  One seemed a lovely, romantic sort and stood out to me as quite unique.  We talked on the phone a few times and as the result of a few text messages, he announced that he was coming up to Auckland that weekend, did I want to see him (he lived in Tauranga)?  I mentioned that I would have my son with me as I wouldn't have time to make other arrangements and he said that was fine.

We agreed to meet at the Auckland Domain and take a walk in the park.  He had suggested 3pm then suggested 3:30pm as he had a "meeting" in the morning (I'm thinking probably a blind date).  This meant that I could not put my 2yo down for a nap in the afternoon and consequently he was tired.  I had not anticipated how grumpy he would be though but perhaps I should have.  In hindsight I shouldn't have agreed to it at all on the basis that I wouldn't be child-free.  It's the first time I have ever taken my son on a blind date but because he was from out-of-town, I accepted.  My little boy's behaviour was not really naughty (only had one small tantrum that I managed to deal with quickly) but did require so much of my attention and focus and my date's suggestions were not always practical - despite being a father, most parents have forgotten what it's like to have a 2yo or perhaps had less active children.  He had suggested we sit and have a coffee but I knew that my son wouldn't tolerate it so in many ways I felt like I had to take charge and suggest what we did that would keep my son's behaviour at its best!

We managed to talk a little and he asked me a lot of questions about myself which made me think that he was interested, however there was a short lull in the conversation while we were sitting listening to live jazz in the park and afterwards he said he would get going and thanked me for meeting him.  It had only been an hour - maybe 45 minutes.  I knew that it meant he was not interested.  It felt awful.  All those messages where he was talking about how excited he was to meet me and so on, it felt so disappointing.  And I felt frustrated that I was not able to have a date where we could really get to know each other without my son being there and taking up most of my attention.  I wrote him a message as I closed my Find Someone account completely to say that I assumed things were not what he wanted and explained how I felt having my son there and gave him my contact details should he want to stay in touch.  I had left my mobile phone in the park.  By the time I got it back a few days later, I read the message he must have sent when he arrived back in Tauranga - that he "didn't think that it would work" and said I was a good mum and a good man would find me one day etc. etc.

He was a really nice guy.  A gentleman, and I liked him.  I have to say that I don't know if there was anything there because I simply couldn't concentrate on it with my son being there.  But the rejection felt awful I have to say - whatever his reasons.

Up-Date

I should have called Mr. Bond, Mr. Cheerful.  He was eternally upbeat and positive.  If this is your only fault it is of course a blessing - however I found it irritating.  Someone who tries to put a positive spin on every feeling and experience you have can be wearing.

He also had the English reserve I think - so much so that he seemed uncomfortable with personal subjects so I felt like we were constantly having small talk.  But what did I expect?  It had only been a week and some people take longer to get to know than others - especially English compared to Kiwis.  If you haven't travelled, you won't know that Kiwis are notoriously blunt and sometimes found to be so much so as to be considered rude.  But most often I find it refreshing.  I like to know someone and be known.  I was worried that perhaps we'd never know each other on that level.

In addition to this I feel like the physical side of our relationship happened so quickly that I found myself quickly entering into a committed relationship within a week.  I felt a bit smothered and felt like running down the street in the opposite direction.

With all these concerns in the back of my mind and the feeling of wanting to run, I concluded that despite the fact that this man was attractive, intelligent, funny, good to me and into me - perhaps I was just "not that into him."  Or perhaps there was something wrong with me.  Did I really want a relationship?  Was I really ready for a relationship?  I didn't want to be lonely but perhaps I didn't mind being alone after all?  I wanted to fall in-love but was I able to again?  I wanted companionship but I was beginning to hate the dating process.  What did I want?

All these questions and uncertainty led me to change my profile on NZ Dating so that the overwhelming 13+ pages of messages I'd received thus far trickled to the occasional one or two messages from unsuitable undesirables...

I Need My Head Read

I have just come home from a day of bliss.  Last night he came over to make me dinner because I wasn't feeling well and took the bus (he's between buying cars right now) and walked carrying all the ingredients including a bottle of wine!  (If I'd known I'd have picked him up!)

Today we went to Milford Beach and it just felt like all day he was considerate and good to me and took care of me and made sure I wanted for nothing...  We swam in the sea together, lay on the sand in the sun and talked and had our picnic there, it was a lovely relaxing day.

I like him, enjoy being with him, he makes me laugh, I find him attractive but it's like there is something missing.  Like maybe the spark isn't strong enough or there's no emotional connection or something.  Something.  I ask him all about himself - skirting personal stuff as best I can because he's got that English reserve and it's clear he's not comfortable with those topics and I figure that he'll talk about them when he's ready.  But he knows virtually nothing about me and doesn't ask too many questions about me at all.

Don't get me wrong - he is extremely attentive and seems very interested in me.  But the emotional connection is not happening... perhaps we're destined to be friends?

There are times like this that I wonder if there is seriously something wrong with me.  Like maybe it is impossible for me to ever fall in-love ever again.  That maybe I don't even want to be in a relationship.  That maybe I'm not ready or too scared.  Or that I'm only attracted to the type of guys that are not going to treat me well.  And Mr Bond treats me well...

I've forgotten what it's like to date someone or be in a relationship with anyone but my ex-husband so I have no idea how this is "supposed" to feel or how this is "supposed" to go...

Feedback welcome.

Exclusive with Mr Bond

After thinking about it, I had "the talk" with Mr Bond.  While it's all very new and still getting to know each other I didn't want to see other people and neither did I want him to while we were seeing where this all went...
and I wasn't willing to compromise on that.  So Mr Bond seems happy to just date each other and see where it goes.  Let's hope he's the honest type...!

The Official Date #14 with Mr Bond

So after no texts from Mr Bond "the day after" the midnight kiss... I texted him at around 2pm to tell him I'd had a nice time with him - no reply.  A few hours later my anxiety got the better of me and I phoned him to find out whether we were going to be seeing each other in the future.  I know - it's not how the girl plays the game... but I couldn't cope with the thought of days of wondering and would rather know either way.

The first good sign was that he answered the phone.  The second was saying yes he did want to see me again and suggested that once he had moved into his new place that I could go over for dinner that week.  While out with my girlfriend I said to her I didn't know whether he was just saying that to avoid conflict or meant it but on his moving day he texted me and asked me if I wanted to get together that night for a takeaway.  So he came over and we had dinner and wine together.  Not too much wine this time!!!

I guess what it confirmed for me was that I enjoyed spending time with him, enjoyed talking with him, he made me laugh, he's attractive (oh yeah I knew that part) and intelligent and we had a natural spark between us.

We talked about where things were at briefly and it seems to me that he wants to date (but not yet be exclusive).  I guess people take time to get to know someone in order to make a decision about someone so it's fair enough but it doesn't quite feel right to me that I would see other people.

We have talked about going for walks on the beach or to the movies and dinner or to another group event he's planned this week so it's nice to know we'll be seeing each other again soon...