In our conversation the night before Date #16 had told me how attractive he found me, how beautiful he thought my skin, my eyes, my hair was - how he adored my personality. I cannot tell you how lovely it is to hear those things and how it makes me feel. Particularly when you have had a husband and ex-husband seemingly disinterested in you physically and emotionally and has on many occasions attacked my personality and my self-esteem. Now I'm not stupid, I know that everything is always at it's best in the beginning but I'm sure you can appreciate how nice it is in contrast to what I've had.
It's hard to explain the conversation we'd had the night of our previous date except to say that it's the kind of heart-to-heart conflict that you might have with your boyfriend several months down the track. It was not the kind of conversation you have after a 2nd date if you want to have a third. However, we resolved it and talked it through and it made me feel better that we understood each other. Consequently, I spent my day at work with him at the back of my mind and it made me smile. I texted him and said "I don't feel like working, I feel like coming over and seeing you." His reply was "so come over!" So we agreed that after work and my picking up my son from daycare, we'd all go to the beach and have fish and chips together. It sounded like a lovely idea in theory. Unfortunately, my 2yo had not had a nap at daycare and by the time we got to the beach he was in fine form. He lasted the 15mins at the playground okay but it was downhill from there. He needed to go to bed and I had suggested we go for a drive to see if he'd drop off to sleep. Unfortunately this became a drive of incessant crying coming from the back seat so I redirected our destination to the supermarket where I could buy a dummy (since I didn't have one with me). Fortunately, Date #16 decided to seek out the loo rather than join us in the supermarket because my 2yo decided to have a total meltdown and wasn't the least bit interested in the dummy. Only parents of toddlers understand these kinds of meltdowns. Everyone else thinks you have a total brat for a child and are the worst parent on the planet and since Date #16 does not have children, I was very glad that the meltdown was not witnessed by him in addition to all the crying and grizzling thus far.
So I should have taken him home and got him to bed and written off the whole occasion right? Well fortunately I got the dummy into him finally (after the tantrum he threw coming off the Barney the Dinosaur ride at the mall) and he eventually sat quietly despite the peak hour traffic on the way home followed by watching Dora at Date #16's house very happily. So from that point on we had a lovely time together.
I'm liking him. I'm starting to enjoy it. But I'm also feeling a bit guilty and torn about my marriage and whether I should be taking up the window of opportunity to possibly fix it. But in order to do that I would have to break things off with this guy and what happens if I break it off and the marriage is un-fixable? Then again, what happens if things with this guy fizz and I've lost the last opportunity to fix my marriage? My ex-husband has been stalling this week about whether or not to go to marriage counselling despite last week being all for it (prior to meeting Date #16) because of a fight we had. So today I made the decision to tell him that we can just sit on it for now and revisit the idea later. If things fizz with this guy then I can rethink whether it's something I want to do. If things don't, I'll have to tell him I've found someone. But I have to admit there is this nagging doubt inside me - am I doing the right thing? Am I missing an opportunity to sort my marriage even though it has huge problems and would need a lot of work if there was any possibility of it being healed?
Second thing is, Date #16 is between jobs. Others might call it unemployed. It sounds bad but in fact he's had two job offers but turned them down as he can afford to wait and find the right one since work generally picks up in February apparently. But in the meantime, it's very apparent that he has a very small budget making references to whether he has enough money for petrol when taking us up to the supermarket, the fact that so far I seem to be meeting him in places that are either very close to where he lives or at his house, and the fact that when he asks me over he often asks me to "bring something". So not only am I paying for all the petrol to see him, I'm also having to contribute to whatever we eat/drink when I'm there! I did let him pay for the fish and chips, but he got so little it was clear he couldn't afford much so when he suggested icecreams, I paid for those and he was very pleased about that. It just makes me feel uncomfortable. I hate a man talking about how broke he is - I'd rather he kept it to himself and figured out a way to make it work. Lord knows I'm not strapped for cash being a single mother - but I find a way to see someone without it breaking the bank (though I know it's expensive) or telling them how broke I am (or making it obvious that I'm broke!)
So now here we have a problem. I had a babysitter booked for Friday night and was going to a party where I didn't know anyone. Date #16 didn't want to go with me so invited me over for a bonfire at his place instead. It sounded fun so I agreed! I was thinking toasted marshmallows... but then the weather has packed up and so had to make alternative arrangements. He has said that he is "budget conscious" and therefore doesn't seem to want to go out but has offered to make me dinner at his place. Being a single mother with the rare opportunity to go out thanks to a babysitter I have suggested that I go do something and see him later. He has read that as the cold shoulder. Can't wait till he gets a bloody job!
It's hard to explain the conversation we'd had the night of our previous date except to say that it's the kind of heart-to-heart conflict that you might have with your boyfriend several months down the track. It was not the kind of conversation you have after a 2nd date if you want to have a third. However, we resolved it and talked it through and it made me feel better that we understood each other. Consequently, I spent my day at work with him at the back of my mind and it made me smile. I texted him and said "I don't feel like working, I feel like coming over and seeing you." His reply was "so come over!" So we agreed that after work and my picking up my son from daycare, we'd all go to the beach and have fish and chips together. It sounded like a lovely idea in theory. Unfortunately, my 2yo had not had a nap at daycare and by the time we got to the beach he was in fine form. He lasted the 15mins at the playground okay but it was downhill from there. He needed to go to bed and I had suggested we go for a drive to see if he'd drop off to sleep. Unfortunately this became a drive of incessant crying coming from the back seat so I redirected our destination to the supermarket where I could buy a dummy (since I didn't have one with me). Fortunately, Date #16 decided to seek out the loo rather than join us in the supermarket because my 2yo decided to have a total meltdown and wasn't the least bit interested in the dummy. Only parents of toddlers understand these kinds of meltdowns. Everyone else thinks you have a total brat for a child and are the worst parent on the planet and since Date #16 does not have children, I was very glad that the meltdown was not witnessed by him in addition to all the crying and grizzling thus far.
So I should have taken him home and got him to bed and written off the whole occasion right? Well fortunately I got the dummy into him finally (after the tantrum he threw coming off the Barney the Dinosaur ride at the mall) and he eventually sat quietly despite the peak hour traffic on the way home followed by watching Dora at Date #16's house very happily. So from that point on we had a lovely time together.
I'm liking him. I'm starting to enjoy it. But I'm also feeling a bit guilty and torn about my marriage and whether I should be taking up the window of opportunity to possibly fix it. But in order to do that I would have to break things off with this guy and what happens if I break it off and the marriage is un-fixable? Then again, what happens if things with this guy fizz and I've lost the last opportunity to fix my marriage? My ex-husband has been stalling this week about whether or not to go to marriage counselling despite last week being all for it (prior to meeting Date #16) because of a fight we had. So today I made the decision to tell him that we can just sit on it for now and revisit the idea later. If things fizz with this guy then I can rethink whether it's something I want to do. If things don't, I'll have to tell him I've found someone. But I have to admit there is this nagging doubt inside me - am I doing the right thing? Am I missing an opportunity to sort my marriage even though it has huge problems and would need a lot of work if there was any possibility of it being healed?
Second thing is, Date #16 is between jobs. Others might call it unemployed. It sounds bad but in fact he's had two job offers but turned them down as he can afford to wait and find the right one since work generally picks up in February apparently. But in the meantime, it's very apparent that he has a very small budget making references to whether he has enough money for petrol when taking us up to the supermarket, the fact that so far I seem to be meeting him in places that are either very close to where he lives or at his house, and the fact that when he asks me over he often asks me to "bring something". So not only am I paying for all the petrol to see him, I'm also having to contribute to whatever we eat/drink when I'm there! I did let him pay for the fish and chips, but he got so little it was clear he couldn't afford much so when he suggested icecreams, I paid for those and he was very pleased about that. It just makes me feel uncomfortable. I hate a man talking about how broke he is - I'd rather he kept it to himself and figured out a way to make it work. Lord knows I'm not strapped for cash being a single mother - but I find a way to see someone without it breaking the bank (though I know it's expensive) or telling them how broke I am (or making it obvious that I'm broke!)
So now here we have a problem. I had a babysitter booked for Friday night and was going to a party where I didn't know anyone. Date #16 didn't want to go with me so invited me over for a bonfire at his place instead. It sounded fun so I agreed! I was thinking toasted marshmallows... but then the weather has packed up and so had to make alternative arrangements. He has said that he is "budget conscious" and therefore doesn't seem to want to go out but has offered to make me dinner at his place. Being a single mother with the rare opportunity to go out thanks to a babysitter I have suggested that I go do something and see him later. He has read that as the cold shoulder. Can't wait till he gets a bloody job!
oh. dear.
ReplyDelete