So I met the exotic 'British-Indian-Persian' at the pub in Greenhithe for a drink - I think they call it the Malthouse or something. It's a very nice pub and they do amazing food there if ever you want a new place to try. The rugby was on but not the All Blacks so we sat outside (because he smokes) and I froze while we chatted. He had a very smooth accent that I liked but a little bit of a chain-smoker.
I got to hear the detailed version of "the mother of his child" who he was only with briefly before she became pregnant and were apart when she realised. He gave up his life in Britain to be close to his daughter and that was a huge sacrifice as he is not terribly happy in New Zealand and was clearly a devoted father - and so I have to take my hat off to that as that shows some depth in character for sure. But the "detailed version" explaining how the mother was 'crazy' sets little alarm bells off for me. Certainly, relationships are usually strained between yourself and your ex that you are forced to continue seeing since you have a child together, but it bothers me when a person is all about their ex's faults. And sometimes women are "crazy" for a reason? It always gives me doubts though about where the problem really lies.
I don't know why men feel the need to talk in detail about their ex with me. It makes for a very bad date conversation yet it keeps happening to me over and over again. Maybe it's because I ask (it's good to know where people are at in terms of how/why things didn't work out and whether they've moved on) and maybe it's because I'm a very good listener when it comes to that sort of thing but for whatever reason I find people unburden themselves to me. I'm not saying that I mind (although I don't want a one-sided relationship), what I am saying is that I'm not a fan of that particular topic - at least, not in detail on a first date. But as far as I remember, that is mostly what he talked about. He did talk about his interests, his daughter and his work and asked me about mine and my charity work and so on but it would be fair to say that there was not a connection. Or no spark. It was like getting together with a friend and even then you're not sure whether you want to keep in touch.
So again I found myself wondering whether I should have a 2nd date (or see if he wanted to) because I wasn't sure whether a spark could grow - or just drop it, but in light of how I felt on the previous date, I let it drift and neither of us contacted one another again.
I got to hear the detailed version of "the mother of his child" who he was only with briefly before she became pregnant and were apart when she realised. He gave up his life in Britain to be close to his daughter and that was a huge sacrifice as he is not terribly happy in New Zealand and was clearly a devoted father - and so I have to take my hat off to that as that shows some depth in character for sure. But the "detailed version" explaining how the mother was 'crazy' sets little alarm bells off for me. Certainly, relationships are usually strained between yourself and your ex that you are forced to continue seeing since you have a child together, but it bothers me when a person is all about their ex's faults. And sometimes women are "crazy" for a reason? It always gives me doubts though about where the problem really lies.
I don't know why men feel the need to talk in detail about their ex with me. It makes for a very bad date conversation yet it keeps happening to me over and over again. Maybe it's because I ask (it's good to know where people are at in terms of how/why things didn't work out and whether they've moved on) and maybe it's because I'm a very good listener when it comes to that sort of thing but for whatever reason I find people unburden themselves to me. I'm not saying that I mind (although I don't want a one-sided relationship), what I am saying is that I'm not a fan of that particular topic - at least, not in detail on a first date. But as far as I remember, that is mostly what he talked about. He did talk about his interests, his daughter and his work and asked me about mine and my charity work and so on but it would be fair to say that there was not a connection. Or no spark. It was like getting together with a friend and even then you're not sure whether you want to keep in touch.
So again I found myself wondering whether I should have a 2nd date (or see if he wanted to) because I wasn't sure whether a spark could grow - or just drop it, but in light of how I felt on the previous date, I let it drift and neither of us contacted one another again.
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