It was around about this time that I was starting to be over the excitement of dating just to "have some fun". At some point along the way, I had realised that I was actually ready for a relationship and wanted one! But my faith in actually meeting someone I would really fancy was beginning to dwindle. A bit like going to a job interview and showing your best side but believing you probably won't get the job because you've been looking for one for 4 months and despite your best efforts - so far, nothing.
I started an unlikely online friendship with a guy on 'Find Someone.' We clocked up over 1000 messages between us. The first few hundred were sublime banter (I am a big fan of banter). But I had some misgivings about it and I understood that we had very little in common and were a bit like chalk and cheese. Why we got on so well and what we found to talk about was probably a lot to do with his keen interest in finding someone and perhaps his imagination of what I might be like. The messages began to include texts and phonecalls and there was definitely a little spark at least over the phone and internet, but as a grown-up I knew very well that didn't necessarily translate into real life.
He was a fairly successful guy with a decent job and career in the financial world. He was athletic in terms of being a marathon-runner - in some ways that appealed to me, in other ways it didn't. When someone is that devoted to athletic sport, they are generally lean with not a drop of fat on them as opposed to that masculine, muscley look.. and I wasn't sure I was otherwise physically attracted to him either.
My misgivings included the fact that he had cheated on his live-in partner and mother to his two children and had an affair with a married woman. As a result he had happily left his partner for this woman but the relationship hadn't worked out. Although it alerted me to the fact that he was a man that had the capacity to cheat - I could reason that in fact we probably all have that capacity given the right circumstances. What bothered me was the lack of remorse or conscience about it. He reasoned that he did not love his ex-partner, that he thought that she had put on too much weight which he did not find attractive and was not doing anything about it, and that they had very little in common. The fact that I was a bit overweight and that we also had little in common (despite all our conversations) had not escaped me and I pointed this out to him, but he was keen to meet. I was at least prepared as to his personality because we had discussed this at length (I'm fascinated by peoples' personality types) and he was an ISTJ as far as Myers Briggs was concerned (google it), and so that told me that he was not much of a people-person, very much a thinker and that often didn't win him any friends.
In the end my reluctance to meet due to the above gave way due to boredom and frustration as I was one of the sardines that took the train into the Viaduct Harbour on the opening of the Rugby World Cup and then couldn't find any of the people I was meant to be meeting. After hours of standing around in overwhelming crowds, I agreed to meet him in town while waiting for friends to get across on the Devonport ferry, since he was having pre-game drinks with work colleagues in the CBD (his boss had given them free tickets to the opening game). It was a spontaneous meet but we'd sort of said we would meet up after the game possibly anyway.
We met on a street corner. The really funny part was that after one minute of meeting, an older guy came running up to him and asked him if he'd dropped what he was holding in his hands. It was ISTJ's rugby tickets and a condom that had clearly fallen out of his pocket while he was crossing the street. For some reason the condom didn't register with me until much later as I was so pre-occupied with thoughts swimming around my head about what he looked like and what he thought of me. It was very unfortunate for him and bad (or good?) timing!!!!!!
Our five minute meet became an arrangement to have drinks later that night after the game so I relaxed knowing that he can't have thought I was too overweight (you women will no doubt relate to these kinds of thoughts!!)
So I had a few wines with him later that night that had me feeling very tipsy and so I got him to take us for a drive while I sobered up so I could drive home (when I say a few I mean two so just to clarify I was okay to drive with time!) and finally he parked somewhere and eventually asked whether he could kiss me.
It is very awkward to have someone ask to kiss you. If you are a man reading this, in my opinion if the moment is right then do it. The moment you ask it becomes really awkward. Despite the fact that I thought his face was gaunt (from too much exercise), his body too lean, his nose too big along with his glasses and curly hair and his eyes too wide, intense and disconcerting staring at me - and despite the fact that I thought his personality a bit odd - I said yes. Maybe it was the loneliness factor getting to me, maybe the fact that I hadn't been kissed in a while... but it wasn't too bad. It wasn't fantastic but it wasn't awful.
ISTJ had the kind of personality I've never come across before. He would pass for a geek to be honest but he was a strange mixture of confidence and insecurity. He came across as someone that had little emotion to the point of being so matter-of-fact he was sometimes blunt and insensitive. Yet willing to be friendly or even kind although I wouldn't go so far as to say that he was kind but seemed to appreciate those qualities in me and esteemed me as being "a very good person" and [later] "a good friend." Just to say, though, for someone so ordinary-looking he had some fairly high standards on a woman's appearance. I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder and no doubt some women find him attractive that meet his requirements.
What stopped this from going any further was how I felt the next day (please read: nothing happened beyond the kiss - I drove home to my place!) None of it sat right with me, I felt anxiety about dating him. I suppose because it would have been going against how I really felt about him. But he was truly surprised when I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. I guess he had thought we had a spark and clearly we could talk... in the end we agreed to be friends. But more about that later because that's another story I'd like to share...
I started an unlikely online friendship with a guy on 'Find Someone.' We clocked up over 1000 messages between us. The first few hundred were sublime banter (I am a big fan of banter). But I had some misgivings about it and I understood that we had very little in common and were a bit like chalk and cheese. Why we got on so well and what we found to talk about was probably a lot to do with his keen interest in finding someone and perhaps his imagination of what I might be like. The messages began to include texts and phonecalls and there was definitely a little spark at least over the phone and internet, but as a grown-up I knew very well that didn't necessarily translate into real life.
He was a fairly successful guy with a decent job and career in the financial world. He was athletic in terms of being a marathon-runner - in some ways that appealed to me, in other ways it didn't. When someone is that devoted to athletic sport, they are generally lean with not a drop of fat on them as opposed to that masculine, muscley look.. and I wasn't sure I was otherwise physically attracted to him either.
My misgivings included the fact that he had cheated on his live-in partner and mother to his two children and had an affair with a married woman. As a result he had happily left his partner for this woman but the relationship hadn't worked out. Although it alerted me to the fact that he was a man that had the capacity to cheat - I could reason that in fact we probably all have that capacity given the right circumstances. What bothered me was the lack of remorse or conscience about it. He reasoned that he did not love his ex-partner, that he thought that she had put on too much weight which he did not find attractive and was not doing anything about it, and that they had very little in common. The fact that I was a bit overweight and that we also had little in common (despite all our conversations) had not escaped me and I pointed this out to him, but he was keen to meet. I was at least prepared as to his personality because we had discussed this at length (I'm fascinated by peoples' personality types) and he was an ISTJ as far as Myers Briggs was concerned (google it), and so that told me that he was not much of a people-person, very much a thinker and that often didn't win him any friends.
In the end my reluctance to meet due to the above gave way due to boredom and frustration as I was one of the sardines that took the train into the Viaduct Harbour on the opening of the Rugby World Cup and then couldn't find any of the people I was meant to be meeting. After hours of standing around in overwhelming crowds, I agreed to meet him in town while waiting for friends to get across on the Devonport ferry, since he was having pre-game drinks with work colleagues in the CBD (his boss had given them free tickets to the opening game). It was a spontaneous meet but we'd sort of said we would meet up after the game possibly anyway.
We met on a street corner. The really funny part was that after one minute of meeting, an older guy came running up to him and asked him if he'd dropped what he was holding in his hands. It was ISTJ's rugby tickets and a condom that had clearly fallen out of his pocket while he was crossing the street. For some reason the condom didn't register with me until much later as I was so pre-occupied with thoughts swimming around my head about what he looked like and what he thought of me. It was very unfortunate for him and bad (or good?) timing!!!!!!
Our five minute meet became an arrangement to have drinks later that night after the game so I relaxed knowing that he can't have thought I was too overweight (you women will no doubt relate to these kinds of thoughts!!)
So I had a few wines with him later that night that had me feeling very tipsy and so I got him to take us for a drive while I sobered up so I could drive home (when I say a few I mean two so just to clarify I was okay to drive with time!) and finally he parked somewhere and eventually asked whether he could kiss me.
It is very awkward to have someone ask to kiss you. If you are a man reading this, in my opinion if the moment is right then do it. The moment you ask it becomes really awkward. Despite the fact that I thought his face was gaunt (from too much exercise), his body too lean, his nose too big along with his glasses and curly hair and his eyes too wide, intense and disconcerting staring at me - and despite the fact that I thought his personality a bit odd - I said yes. Maybe it was the loneliness factor getting to me, maybe the fact that I hadn't been kissed in a while... but it wasn't too bad. It wasn't fantastic but it wasn't awful.
ISTJ had the kind of personality I've never come across before. He would pass for a geek to be honest but he was a strange mixture of confidence and insecurity. He came across as someone that had little emotion to the point of being so matter-of-fact he was sometimes blunt and insensitive. Yet willing to be friendly or even kind although I wouldn't go so far as to say that he was kind but seemed to appreciate those qualities in me and esteemed me as being "a very good person" and [later] "a good friend." Just to say, though, for someone so ordinary-looking he had some fairly high standards on a woman's appearance. I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder and no doubt some women find him attractive that meet his requirements.
What stopped this from going any further was how I felt the next day (please read: nothing happened beyond the kiss - I drove home to my place!) None of it sat right with me, I felt anxiety about dating him. I suppose because it would have been going against how I really felt about him. But he was truly surprised when I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. I guess he had thought we had a spark and clearly we could talk... in the end we agreed to be friends. But more about that later because that's another story I'd like to share...
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