Up-Date

I should have called Mr. Bond, Mr. Cheerful.  He was eternally upbeat and positive.  If this is your only fault it is of course a blessing - however I found it irritating.  Someone who tries to put a positive spin on every feeling and experience you have can be wearing.

He also had the English reserve I think - so much so that he seemed uncomfortable with personal subjects so I felt like we were constantly having small talk.  But what did I expect?  It had only been a week and some people take longer to get to know than others - especially English compared to Kiwis.  If you haven't travelled, you won't know that Kiwis are notoriously blunt and sometimes found to be so much so as to be considered rude.  But most often I find it refreshing.  I like to know someone and be known.  I was worried that perhaps we'd never know each other on that level.

In addition to this I feel like the physical side of our relationship happened so quickly that I found myself quickly entering into a committed relationship within a week.  I felt a bit smothered and felt like running down the street in the opposite direction.

With all these concerns in the back of my mind and the feeling of wanting to run, I concluded that despite the fact that this man was attractive, intelligent, funny, good to me and into me - perhaps I was just "not that into him."  Or perhaps there was something wrong with me.  Did I really want a relationship?  Was I really ready for a relationship?  I didn't want to be lonely but perhaps I didn't mind being alone after all?  I wanted to fall in-love but was I able to again?  I wanted companionship but I was beginning to hate the dating process.  What did I want?

All these questions and uncertainty led me to change my profile on NZ Dating so that the overwhelming 13+ pages of messages I'd received thus far trickled to the occasional one or two messages from unsuitable undesirables...