I have just come home from a day of bliss. Last night he came over to make me dinner because I wasn't feeling well and took the bus (he's between buying cars right now) and walked carrying all the ingredients including a bottle of wine! (If I'd known I'd have picked him up!)
Today we went to Milford Beach and it just felt like all day he was considerate and good to me and took care of me and made sure I wanted for nothing... We swam in the sea together, lay on the sand in the sun and talked and had our picnic there, it was a lovely relaxing day.
I like him, enjoy being with him, he makes me laugh, I find him attractive but it's like there is something missing. Like maybe the spark isn't strong enough or there's no emotional connection or something. Something. I ask him all about himself - skirting personal stuff as best I can because he's got that English reserve and it's clear he's not comfortable with those topics and I figure that he'll talk about them when he's ready. But he knows virtually nothing about me and doesn't ask too many questions about me at all.
Don't get me wrong - he is extremely attentive and seems very interested in me. But the emotional connection is not happening... perhaps we're destined to be friends?
There are times like this that I wonder if there is seriously something wrong with me. Like maybe it is impossible for me to ever fall in-love ever again. That maybe I don't even want to be in a relationship. That maybe I'm not ready or too scared. Or that I'm only attracted to the type of guys that are not going to treat me well. And Mr Bond treats me well...
I've forgotten what it's like to date someone or be in a relationship with anyone but my ex-husband so I have no idea how this is "supposed" to feel or how this is "supposed" to go...
Feedback welcome.
Today we went to Milford Beach and it just felt like all day he was considerate and good to me and took care of me and made sure I wanted for nothing... We swam in the sea together, lay on the sand in the sun and talked and had our picnic there, it was a lovely relaxing day.
I like him, enjoy being with him, he makes me laugh, I find him attractive but it's like there is something missing. Like maybe the spark isn't strong enough or there's no emotional connection or something. Something. I ask him all about himself - skirting personal stuff as best I can because he's got that English reserve and it's clear he's not comfortable with those topics and I figure that he'll talk about them when he's ready. But he knows virtually nothing about me and doesn't ask too many questions about me at all.
Don't get me wrong - he is extremely attentive and seems very interested in me. But the emotional connection is not happening... perhaps we're destined to be friends?
There are times like this that I wonder if there is seriously something wrong with me. Like maybe it is impossible for me to ever fall in-love ever again. That maybe I don't even want to be in a relationship. That maybe I'm not ready or too scared. Or that I'm only attracted to the type of guys that are not going to treat me well. And Mr Bond treats me well...
I've forgotten what it's like to date someone or be in a relationship with anyone but my ex-husband so I have no idea how this is "supposed" to feel or how this is "supposed" to go...
Feedback welcome.
I read your last comment (the one that starts "I wonder if there is something wrong with me"...) and it sounds a lot like me! I am also a single mother (of a 3 year old) and its not easy being a parent to a small child and also trying to find love. I'm not sure what the solution is but I just wanted to say that after having a 9 month relationship with a guy who I really wanted to love but had no spark with, I think that if, after a couple of weeks it still feels like you have no emotional connection then he's probably not the right person for you. The right person is out there somewhere I am sure, and if you settle for Mr Nice but Not Quite Right then you might never find him!
ReplyDeletePS I really enjoy reading your experiences :-)
Thanks for your comment Anon you're probably right and the end to this seems inevitable..
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