Date #18 "The Lawnmower Man"

So I had been chatting online backwards and forwards with "The Lawnmower Man" - sometimes several messages every night.  It was nice to "come home to someone" to tell them about my day, to be honest.  I liked the look of his photo.  I had concerns that maybe he was too quiet or perhaps did not have anything intelligent to say, but as I got to know him there was a warmth growing between us in our messages, and I learned that he was very well-read and had a keen interest in learning.

So eventually I asked him if he would like to meet up.  He hadn't said anything and I wondered how long it would take him - in the meantime, I was concerned that I would build someone up in my head and grow to fancy that man only to be let down by real life!

I'd suggested coffee and he'd suggested St Lukes or Lynmall, so I went with St Lukes.  I'm not a great fan of malls - and having coffee in a mall is hardly what I'd call pleasant but I didn't want him to think that I had to be the one making all the decisions so I agreed.  I arrived early, and settled with my mochaccino to read the newspaper.  I was starving because it was right on dinner time.  I'd clearly been excited by our connection online as I had specially got my hair done in low lights and highlights and straightened and bought new clothes.     It was practically a whole day's worth of preparation.  When I texted him to tell me I'd arrived, he said that he would be there in 13 minutes.  I was going to make a joke about how precise that was but decided he'd be driving.

He arrived wearing a green shirt and green shorts.  I have to say it was very disappointing.  Do you know that what a man wears, how he carries himself and his personality are the most attractive things about him?  Well, that's my opinion anyway.  Because he had some classic good looks about him that might dazzle someone - but for whatever reason I didn't feel dazzled.  We talked mostly about our kids.  He was attentive, interested and friendly.  I'd finished my coffee by the time he arrived (wasn't his fault he was late he was waiting for his ex to pick up his kids) and he didn't want to order and instead suggested we go along to a certain shop where he could pick something up for his son.  Then he wanted to go to another cafe while I was starving and wanted food.  We ended up at the food hall and before you know it it was time to go since both of us had to rush back to look after our kids.

We have a lot in common being the primary carers of our children and our ex being one who "could not cope" with too much childcare responsibility and not having the family support in place that we get much time to ourselves...  I thought at the very least that we could be friends - or I hoped so.

It was comfortable - not in any way uncomfortable.  Certainly no sparks but I've learned now that sparks don't always happen immediately.  We had talked about how we might find time to get together and came up with a few tentative plans.

The following week our messages dwindled.  We'd talked a few times about seeing each other and he wasn't able to but assured me he'd have loved to.  The messages seemed to mostly be about the weather and "how our day had been".  One of his regular questions was "did you work today?"  Apparently he expected me to work fulltime because he also had a 2yo and felt this was our duty to financially support our children.  While I agree with him in our circumstances, I do work part-time and my son is not in quite full time hours as yet and he knew I was looking for a job.  It was some weird conversation that we'd had a while ago that became a bit awkward so every time he asked me about work I felt weird like he was judging me for the choices I'd made or the position I was in.

So I was not feeling greatly enamoured by our "conversations" since we met and while at times I wondered if he'd lost interest - other times he seem to reassure me that he hadn't.  At one stage he made the comment that it might be better if we made a time to talk rather than "waiting online all night awaiting a message" which struck me as a bit odd.  Why wouldn't you send a message and then go and do something else and reply when you felt like it?  So I texted him and gave him my home phone number and invited him to call me sometime - said that he had all my numbers now I would leave it up to him.  Then I got a message saying that he was going to be childfree for a few hours the following day, what if he called me between 5:20pm and 7:30pm?  I wanted to laugh it was so planned and simply replied that he was welcome to call whenever he liked and if I was home I'd answer!  During that phonecall, we arranged to see each other the following day but said we'd arrange what we'd do by phone.

The next morning I was waiting for my son's dad to pick him up and texted "The Lawnmower Man" and said that I'd run out of coffee in the house and was dying so I might go up to a cafe did he want to join me or did he want to do something else?  I got an odd phonecall as a result asking me did I want to cancel our date as he got a strange text message from me.  And I said, no I'd just invited him to join me for coffee!  So he said he didn't mind joining me for coffee did I want to meet him at St Lukes or Lynmall!  (Remember the last time he suggested either Lynmall or St Lukes?)  He said they were places he knew.  I asked him did he not want to go somewhere he didn't know - and he said (a little irritably) "well then I won't know where to find it, will I?"  At this point, I told him I was still dealing with my son and would think about it and text him.  I'd decided at that point that I didn't want to meet him.  I had become bored with our conversations and he was a nice guy - don't get me wrong - but there was absolutely no spontaneity or adventure in him.  Aside from the dull conversations, it was the "I will be there in 13 minutes" and the agitation about being late and the insisting on coffee in Lynmall and St Lukes that really did it.  Along with the green shorts and green shirt.  Men should not wear shorts unless it's summer and they're the surfie-variety.  And I am fairly anti-green most of the time.  Even my son doesn't wear green.  If he has any green clothes in his wardrobe they are pulled out for daycare use and he can splosh paint on his green apparel to his heart's content as far as I'm concerned!  

So I cancelled our 2nd date and wished "Mr Lawnmower Man" well.  He is such a nice guy and really looking for a mother for his children whose mum has all but abandoned them (personally I was more attracted to being their stand-in mother than I was to being "Mrs Lawnmower Man")  I certainly hope that he finds someone lovely as he is a nice man.  Someone who has a steady job, unambitious, not particularly adventurous, family-oriented, the domestic type - bakes and gardens and makes hearty dinners to warm her man's stomach.  I don't think we were a good fit..  It's not that he had done anything wrong, it was just that I didn't think our personalities went together.

I probably would have continued to be friends with him and enjoyed the friendship but I think all the rigidness with time and location put me off.

A Momentary Lapse of Melancholy and Self-Pity

In between bouts of reading Marian Keyes chick-lit I have a little narrative going in my head I thought I'd share with you... tongue is a little bit in cheek but am also indulging in a bit of momentary self-pity.

I have been having a debate with myself to make sure that I won't settle for anything except someone who's kind of crazy about me that I'm crazy about - which, if you ask me - could mean that I'm in for a long wait - and so I'd perhaps better get used to singledom (singlehood?  singleness?) and dress it up as something fun and refer to myself as a singleton.  And say to everyone "oh I LOVE being single!" like the others do when it's painfully obvious that their 1 bedroom apartment with cat is really not that fulfilling whatsoever.

But the problem is that men are often "not that into me."  When I think about it, even my husband isn't/wasn't that into me.  We dated for two-and-a-half years and I had to give him an ultimatum in the end about "marriage or I walk" and in hindsight he wasn't leaping to the altar although he definitely was leaping to the honeymoon suite later that night...

And come to think of it I don't think my own mother is really that "into me"... or the rest of my family, or my friends for that matter (sorry friends).  And the men that are really into me, wouldn't you know it, I'm not into myself.

There is, however, one little glimmer of joy in this entire pity-me post - my 2 year old son.  I have to say that despite my absolute exhaustion that he brings out in me, he is one boy that I can say categorically that I am totally besotted with.  I look at him and he is perfect to me.  His eyes couldn't be more beautiful.  The way his hair curls I think is the cutest thing in the world.  I love the way he says his "L's" (he can't say them).  And the way his hair bounces when he walks.  And we have the most incredible bond.  When I remember all this I am grateful to God, grateful to the universe for giving me him.